I understand now why people say they love being a grandparent…you get a do-over. You get to put all the hard-earned wisdom and knowledge that you’ve accumulated as a parent and a human into the job. You get a second chance to do things differently, better…hold it all more lightly. And second chances don’t come around all that often in life.
I would like a second chance at being a mom to my boys, now 18 and 21. There are soooooo many things I would do differently or not do at all; so many things I have learned about myself in the last 10+ years that would have made me a much more patient, understanding, and lighted-hearted mom. So many things that might have laid a more solid foundation.
I would have laughed more – a lot more – and held all the stuff I thought was so important with greater ease. I would have held them more because what I didn’t know back then was that that would change – that there would be huge spans of time 20 years later when we didn’t touch each other at all. I would have held space for who they are, not who I wanted them to be or thought the world demanded. I would have been more present and paid way, way, way more attention to it all.
But I haven’t forgotten that it wasn’t always easy – that in hindsight (and with several decades of sleep under my belt) everything looks less complicated than it felt back then. I remember the exhaustion, the lack of personal space, and the deep desire, some days, to be anywhere other than with them. I remember the sleepless nights, endless loads of laundry, and the constant worry about…well, everything. And I remember feeling like it was almost-impossible to ever feel truly present with the demands of scheduling, making meals, driving them everywhere, and the pressure – oh, the pressure – to do it all perfectly…to create that solid foundation.
But I didn’t do it perfectly. Not by a long-shot. And I’ve admitted that to them as many times as they’ll listen (and often even when they won’t). I have told them, as adults, that they are perfect as they are and that I admire who they’ve become (and I really do). I have told them that my missteps as a mom were never, ever out of a lack of love for them but rather a lack of love for myself – something that I have been working on now that I have more sleep, less laundry, and so, so much time to myself.
Are you a parent looking for support with parenting or transitioning to a new phase of parenting? Are you struggling to adjust to an empty nest or even the idea of one? You’re not alone and I can help. Reach out for a free 15 minute consultation, I can offer you support through these challenges.
Also, here are some resources for you to look over if you’d like.
https://strongcounselling.com/
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-
https://www.verywellfamily.
https://grownandflown.com/ – Parenting Tweens, Teens, College Students and Young Adults